The West Coast Wonderings Part 3: Expensive Conversations

We all have those friends. The ones that you have such a deep bond with that you could not see them for years and the instant y’all are together again it’s as if no time has passed at all, and most of the time it happens around a dining room table. It was already late in the evening and I found myself in one such setting. It was only four of us, Josh, Marissa and her sister, Sonia, and we were caught in conversations about everything that has happened since our last get together. There was tons of laughter, so much so the neighbors definitely heard. And there were moments of deep thought and talking about the inner difficulties of life. We talked about cool band names and our hopes for the future. Dialogue fueled by potatoes and a long winded history we all shared.

This night wasn’t the first and I sure hope it wasn’t the last, because we had been through it. We had seen weddings. We had seen Funerals. We travelled the world together. We grieved. We laughed. We worshipped. We doubted. A history that dwelled in the moments of silence, where we just sat in each other's presence. You don’t have many people where you can sit in silence with one another and that is enough. Just being together was enough to hold the conversation.

I’ve been calling these moments expensive conversations for the betterment of a couple years now. But I feel like it might be more accurate to call it priceless conversations. They are these intense deep moments where we can talk about anything from God to girls to drugs to sex to the next movie in a franchise. It’s the medium where we can talk about the things that society considers taboo or too deep/dark to talk about. I feel that this generation has lost the capacity for authenticity. This could largely be because of the 2020 pandemic or the fact that the very technology that was meant to bring us closer together has drawn us further apart. 

It’s so easy for us to retreat to our little caves and live our lives in a bubble, but we are made for intimate human connection. I feel the pull of solitude whenever depression knocks on my door. I even almost applied for a fire lookout tower, one of the most secluded jobs out there. But in the moments we truly want to hide from the world, that is when we need each other most. Everytime we step into vulnerability we engage with authenticity and ultimately truth. With AI and Deep fake technology running amuck, what will begin as the erosion of truth and authenticity may turn into the avenue that which people will seek out these real priceless conversations. 

But it's never easy to start these conversations, or even get out of bed some days. It takes a little bit of effort and will to decide to go to that one game night at a friends house after work on a Friday. Or even to step into a new place, knowing no one, and willingly sit in the uncomfortable aspects of meeting a complete stranger or join that group for some after-event shenanigans. I know because I’ve had to do it(and sometimes I go to a concert and just enjoy being by myself even when I should meet some people around me). Half of the difficulty is just showing up, but by showing up it truly shows authenticity. 

Another thing, We need to learn to engage in is the act of silence. It took me a long time but with the loudness of life and the voices vying for our attention, we need to allow for silence even if you are with people. Just the act of being with others is enough, words not required. There is something holy in silence where you can be around other souls and enjoy the presence of other. Some Benedictine monks sit in silence for weeks at a time in a way communing with the idea of the heavens speaking directly with them. And while you may never hear the audible voice of God, maybe we will hear something through the cracks of heaven to Earth. Ancient Cultures(and still many cultures today) during times of mourning would wait for the mourner to speak first before ever counseling them(ie Job). This would sometimes take days, maybe even weeks, but they would just sit with each other as they processed what they were going through. I think our western society should try and incorporate this practice more. And while it doesn’t have to be for weeks, it can be for only a moment. A moment is defined as only being 90 seconds.

Jesus’ whole ministry was riddled with expensive conversations. I firmly believe that his disciples looked at those moments and wished they could go back and relive them. They were worth everything simply because they experienced true intimacy with their God and Savior(and friend), all over wine and unleavened bread. 

May we step into the vulnerable and experience nights of cheap wine and expensive conversations. Free time and priceless conversations. We are creatures that crave authenticity and truth. But it might take some guts, a whole lot of patience, and the willingness to give grace to ourselves and one another.

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This was the third part of my west coast wonderings series. I highly recommend reading the others, especially patience(I think it was the most well thought out one). I might have more thoughts as we edge towards summer but with summer comes the craziness of festival season, so we will see!